Best Long-Distance Relationship Tips and Advice

How to make long distance relationships work

Long distance relationship advice

1: Use this time to get to know them well

You may never again in the course of your relationship have this much focused time and energy to spend communicating with your partner. Make the most of it. If you get to know them deeply and well, that will pay off big-time in the long run.

2. Start slow, especially if you haven’t met

Don’t bare all too soon (literally or figuratively)! When you meet long distances it can be easy to jump in the deep end and move too fast in your new relationship.

During the early days (the first couple of months, at least) don’t rush into vulnerability, set a pattern of talking for hours every day, or make serious commitments.

3. Meet in person as soon as possible

There are all sorts of things you can only learn about someone face to face, but the initial reason why it’s a good idea to meet in person ASAP is simple: You may have great chemistry on paper or over the phone, and absolutely none in person.

4. Set up healthy communication patterns early in your long distance relationship

When you’re trying to figure out how to make a long-distance relationship work, talk about how you talk.

Discuss some of your communication basics as a couple–how you generally prefer to connect (phone, VoIP, text), what times, and for how long. This can help set realistic expectations and avoid some miscommunications, frustration, and anxiety.

5. Prioritize talking with each other

It can take real effort to rearrange schedules and make time to talk, especially when things get busy or there is a time difference involved. However, if you can’t consistently make talking with your partner a priority, reconsider whether you should be in the relationship.

6. But don’t talk TOO much

Talking to your partner should be a priority, sure, but not your only priority. Do not overdose on talk-time. Don’t spend all your spare time talking or texting.

7. Give each other some virtual space

Don’t rush to reply immediately to every text, email, or message that comes in. And don’t expect your partner to respond straight away to every text you send or message you leave.

8. Be open, honest, and “real” in your communication

When you’re in a long distance relationship it’s easier to hide your weaknesses and put your best foot forward.

Unless you both value transparency and honesty more than making a good impression, you will have a much more difficult time figuring out whether you and your partner are a good fit for each other.

9. Learn to ask good questions and listen well

Communication is the bedrock of any relationship, but when you’re in a long distance relationship, talking is often all you have. Learn to listen carefully to your partner and ask good questions — questions that make them think and help you understand them better.

10. Find new things to talk about

Most couples in a long distance relationship will go through periods where they struggle to find things to talk about apart from how their day was.

11. Write to each other sometimes

If you only ever talk to each other, try writing letters or long emails sometimes. When you write, you can think and express yourself differently than you do when you’re talking. Writing gives you more time and space to reflect on tricky issues, and letters and emails can become treasured keepsakes (or maybe even a book) in the future.

12. Discuss how you deal with pressure

Sometimes when you’re not tired and stressed, talk about how each of you typically acts and reacts when you are stressed and tired. Tell your partner how they can best help you during those times. Ask your partner to share these things with you, too.

13. Learn more about how you both approach conflict

Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but being in a long distance relationship makes managing conflict well even more difficult. If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work, learn some basic conflict-management strategies and discuss them with your partner before you find yourself mid-fight.

14. Discuss your big disagreements in person

Never try to hash out relationship issues via text message — there’s too much room for misunderstanding. If possible, save your serious disagreements for when you can talk them out in person (or at least on the phone).

15. Learn to recognize and control your own emotions

Long distance relationships often involve intense emotions and extreme ups and downs. There are times of intense loneliness, uncertainty, doubts, and fear. There are also times of extreme excitement, joy, and incandescent happiness. Learning to recognize, own, and manage your own emotions will pay off big time–now and in the future.

16. Learn to control any jealousy in your long distance relationship

Feeling a little jealous now and again is not unusual in a long distance relationship. However, uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame. If you’re feeling jealous, figure out how to control your jealousy before it starts to control you. It’s not easy, but it can be done.

17. Laugh together

It’s great to talk about the deep stuff, but make sure you keep it light sometimes, too. Share things with each other that have made you laugh.

18. Surprise your partner every so often with something thoughtful

Everyone loves getting a present, a bunch of flowers, or a handwritten letter in the mail. Every so often, go the extra mile and do something extra and special to help your partner feel loved and valued. Bonus points if the gesture is uber-thoughtful.

19. Keep your partner in your mind

We’ve all heard the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” but it’s also true that “absence can make the mind go wander”. Make sure you have some reminders of your partner around–perhaps put their photo on your desktop or tape it to your mirror, drink out a coffee mug they gave you… the possibilities are endless.

20. Help your partner connect with your friends and family

If you’re in a long distance relationship, especially if you meet online, the vital influences of family and friends are often missing. Find a way to involve and connect your partner with some of the other important relationships in your life.

21. Figure out what helps YOU cope

Everyone is different, and so is every relationship. Everyone has different tips and tricks that help them cope better with the ups and downs that come with being in a long distance relationship. Figure out what works for you, then do it.

22.Have other interests

Don’t spend all your spare time on Skype or your phone. Build a life where you are. Do things that make you fitter, smarter, and happier. Do things that interest you. Do these things alone, if need be. Remember, investing in yourself is another way of investing in your most important relationship. Start now.

23. Invest in other important relationships

If you focus all your free time and energy on your long distance love, your relationships with those close to you will suffer. In a nutshell: this is bad news. You will be happier and healthier in life if you have a strong network of friends beyond your partner. To do that, you need to spend time connecting with them.

24. Avoid situations where you may be tempted to cheat

Don’t put yourself in situations that will lead to an extra temptation to cheat! Don’t start hanging out alone every weekend with the same attractive co-worker. Don’t go out to bars with your friends and drink a lot if you know that you get extra flirty after a few. Bottom line? Know yourself. Know your limits, and then stay a couple of steps away from those limits.

25. Visit often

Visit each other as often as you can without over-stretching your budgets and schedules. Spending time together in person will help you learn new things about your partner and remind you of why being in a long distance relationship is worth it.

26. Aim for “balanced” visits

I know it’s tempting, but when you DO get to see each other, don’t spend the whole visit cuddling on the couch (or in bed). Make sure you get out and do something fun–hang with other friends, try a new restaurant, etc. Also try to mix in some normal life such as grocery shopping and cooking together.

27. Plan ahead for your next visit(s)

Try to keep a visit scheduled. Even if it’s a couple of months away, knowing when you’ll next see each other and having a date to count down to will help.

28. Manage goodbyes in ways that minimize pain

Let’s be honest, goodbyes suck when you’re in a LDR. You can, however, learn to say goodbye in ways that work for you (or, at least, work better).

29.Treat yourself gently after farewells

Saying goodbye to the one you love when it’ll be weeks or months before you see them again is brutal. Plan ahead for how to best treat or support yourself during the first day or two after a visit ends.

30.Plan ahead for periodic separations

Many couples nowadays do periodic stints of long distance. One way to reduce the stress of all that coming and going is to plan ahead together for ways to reduce the burden on the stay-at-home partner during your times apart. Spending some time on logistics before you leave will help them during your absence.

31. Make a game plan for times you feel extra-lonely or sad

Everyone has days when they feel extra-sad or lonely. Plan ahead and know what might help you (and what definitely won’t help you) during those times. It may not be very wise, for example, to go hang out with an attractive friend at a dance club on a night when you really really want to be holding your partner close.

32. Practice trusting

Being apart from the person you love makes everyone feel insecure at times. You can start to doubt everything from how your partner feels about you, to whether they are staying faithful. But unless your partner has given you reason not to trust them, take a deep breath and choose to trust!

33. When something doesn’t seem right, pay attention

Don’t embrace trust so wholeheartedly that you ignore or miss the signs that something is seriously wrong. Being in a LDR can prolong a relationship that isn’t meant to be. Distance also provides more opportunities for deception. Don’t ignore your instincts if you sense something just isn’t right.

34. Set a “move-by” date

If you really want to know how to make a long distance relationship work–look beyond being long distance! Research shows that LDRs have a better chance of working if there’s an end date in sight. Don’t rush into discussions (or decisions) about moving. Before too long, however, do start talking about how and when you might be able to close the gap.

35. Consider getting counseling

If you’re feeling stuck about whether or how your relationship has a future, having a good therapist ask questions and help you think things through can only help. Counseling can also help you address and resolve issues related to jealousy, trust, insecurity, and some of the “blind spots” that can develop when you’re in a LDR

36. Regularly ask yourself if you still want to be in this relationship

Seriously consider ending your LDR if it’s becoming too hard, too unhealthy, just too… much.

37. Ignore the haters

They just have no idea how to make a long distance relationship work

Lots of people say LDRs can’t work. They’re wrong. Maybe an LDR couldn’t work for them, or maybe they just have no idea what they’re talking about. Don’t listen to them. Plenty of LDRs work out in the long run, and many couples credit the time they spent in an LDR for teaching them invaluable relationship skills….